How to Tell Your Partner You Have an STI!
By Sofia Shomento
So, you have an STI (sexually transmitted infection)— and now you might be feeling nervous to tell your partner(s). First off, you are not alone! According to the CDC, 1 in 5 people had an STI in the US in 2018. In the spirit of easing feelings of stigma and isolation, we compiled some tips for letting your partner(s) know.
1. Be kind to yourself.
STIs happen. All we can do is learn, protect ourselves and those around us, and then move forward. When telling your partner(s) about your diagnosis, you are showing that you care about their health. Your partner should be tested, even if they don’t have symptoms. Besides being itchy, STIs can cause long term consequences if left untreated, such as infertility, pelvic inflammatory disease, and an immunocompromised state.
If anything, this is an opportunity to talk about sexual histories and safe sex. OB/GYN Oluwatosin Goje, MD, writes: “People are so worried about telling their partners that they often don’t consider that their partners might be the source of the STI. But because they’ve never had the conversation about each other’s histories, they don’t have a clue.” Who knew an STI could be such a good ice breaker?!
2. Know the bug & drug.
Learn about your STI including the treatment and prognosis. This doesn’t have to be Grey’s Anatomy, but some basic information goes a long way. When discussing chronic infections like HIV, it is helpful to know which medications you are on, your viral load, and prevention options for your partner. Luckily, most STIs are curable! More info about STIs here at the CDC.
3. Practice makes perfect.
Consider rehearsing what you will say in front of the mirror or on your morning commute. For example, “I just got tested and I have chlamydia. I’m letting you know because I care about you. I don’t know when I got it. I’m being treated with antibiotics, which will resolve it. You should get tested too.”
Try putting yourself in your partner’s shoes and brainstorm questions they might ask. This website can create a message for you. Planned Parenthood role plays some scenarios here.
4. Like a Band-Aid.
When it comes time to tell your partner, remember... you have options! You can tell them yourself via text or in person, just make sure to be clear about what is going on and what you did to get treated. Be prepared for an intense reaction—a lot of people don’t understand STIs and have a lot of internal bias and fear surrounding them. Remember: STIs are a normal part of life, and you’re doing the right thing by being upfront and honest!
Your second option is to communicate with the Health Department. The Health Department will ANONYMOUSLY tell your partner(s) that they have been exposed to an STI, so they may not even know where they got it from!
Remember, communicating about your STI with partners is compassion and respect at its core. At Bridgercare, we are here to support you on this rollercoaster — from testing to treatment to telling. You’ve got this!