Who’s Teaching Your Kids About Sex—You or the Internet?
By: Bailei Schmitt
If you don’t talk to your kids about sex, the internet will. And let’s be real—that’s not where you want them getting their info. Research shows the average age of first exposure to pornography is 13 years old, with some kids seeing it as young as 7. Even if they’re not actively searching for it, 60% of kids aged 11-13 stumble upon adult content by accident. With smartphones in nearly every pocket, it's more important than ever to start these conversations early.
So, what’s the good news? You don’t have to do it all at once. Think of it as teaching them how to drive, with small lessons over time. So, when they hit the road, they’re prepared.
Start Early, Keep It Casual
Experts agree that sex ed starts way before “The Talk.” In fact, it’s not about one big talk at all, it's about ongoing, age-appropriate conversations. Here’s how you can break it down:
Age-by-Age Guide to Talking About Sex
Ages 3-5: Body Autonomy & Consent
Teach kids that their bodies belong to them. Introduce the concept of “safe” and “unsafe” touch. Be sure to use medically accurate names for body parts, it reduces shame and helps with safety!
Ages 6-9: Answering Big Questions
Around this time, kids will start asking every parent’s favorite question–where do babies come from? The best practice is to keep answers honest but simple. Consider discussing different types of families and relationships. Consistent reinforcement of bodily autonomy and boundaries is important.
Ages 10-12: Puberty & Emotions
Puberty can start as early as 8 years old, so kids need a heads-up on what’s coming. Talk about feelings, bodily changes, crushes, and personal boundaries. With the ever-growing digital age, it is vital to teach online safety. Kids this age are more likely to come across sexual content.
Ages 13-18: Consent, Safety, & Healthy Relationships
Some youth may be sexually active during this age, some may not. Regardless it's important to talk about sex, contraception, and STIs—yes, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Discuss peer pressure, social media, what healthy relationships look like, and sexting. Make sure they know what consent looks like in all situations.
Why Families Delay “The Talk” (And Why You Shouldn’t)
Many families put off these conversations because they’re uncomfortable, but kids who get early, accurate, comprehensive sex education are less likely to engage in risky behaviors. Common reasons parents delay include:
“They’re too young to hear this.”
The opposite is true, early conversations make kids less likely to be confused or misinformed later.
“It’s too awkward.”
Yep, it might be. But framing it as a normal part of growing up makes it easier for both of you! Normalizing talking about it can also make it easier for your kids to talk to you about sex in the future, which can lead to safer relationships!
“We’ll wait until school covers it.”
Comprehensive and medically accurate sex education is NOT required in Montana schools, so it depends on your city and school district whether or not your kids are getting sex education. Talking about it at home ensures that what your kids hear aligns with your family values and that your child’s specific questions get answered.
Tips for Keeping the Conversation Comfortable
Using everyday moments like TV shows, news stories, or even shopping for deodorant, can be great segues. Try keeping it low-pressure by answering questions honestly but briefly. Let them know it’s okay to ask anything; even if you don’t have all the answers, you can learn together. Model consent in daily life– respect their “no,” and talk about personal space.
Final Thoughts
Sex education isn’t just about the birds and the bees, it’s about body safety, relationships, consent, and having the tools to make informed choices about your body. Starting early doesn’t mean encouraging sexual activity; it means arming your child with the right information before someone else does.
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